See the Glass Half Full - Then Fill It the Rest of the Way

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I had a client one morning for a stand up paddle board lesson that clearly woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and she was going to let everyone in her family know it, feel it, and wanted a reaction from it.  Her father had scheduled a paddle lesson for him and six children - the daughter was 20, the youngest son was 9. I could tell this wasn’t going to be easy, and truth be told, I did not know the “surly child” was actually an “adult” until I conversationally asked what grade everyone was in. Two high school aged boys, two elementary school boys, a middle school aged girl. and a daughter with more sass than her 5 foot stature could handle.

I have a two teenagers…..

they have their moments…..

I have worked with teenagers for years in the dance and theatre world…..

they have their moments…..

But she wasn’t a teenager, at least not by chronological age……

Deep breath, game face on, dive in, she was having a bad day.

It was up to me to keep this little group together and have them walk away from the event experiencing a new sport and feeling successful at what they had accomplished as a family.  More importantly I needed to keep everyone happy and safe. The young lady had already warned the older brothers she was going to push them in, and she was definitely threatening her younger sister that she would be the first one overboard because she had “snitched” on her that morning.

I was not there to fix her angst for long term, but I did take on the task of gently bringing her around to a more pleasant mood, get her to smile, and not have it infect the group with “ugly”.

Like paddle boarding on a choppy day, it becomes a delicate balance. The world can be a tough place at times.

After being on the water, going through the basics of paddle boarding and getting the entire group to stand quickly, we headed out into the open bay for a paddle.  True to her word, her sister got dunked pretty quickly. Little sister took it well, as if she knew it was inevitable. Dad then almost knocked big sister off but did not give her any lip for knocking off the younger one - which I have to say was a pretty smart move by Dad.  Clearly, he knew his kids. As we waited for the youngest of the bunch to catch up to us, the young lady wanted to try a handstand. She looked at me as if I would tell her no and silently dared me to stop her. Being a yogi, people love to try headstands, crows, handstands on the board all of the time. I encouraged her to go for it.  She was then lamenting the fact that no one had a camera…..never fear, I always carry my phone at the ready and I told her to go for it. The ice had started to melt……

It defrosted and puddled when I caught the handstand at the perfect second on the board and just like that, 20 minutes into the lesson I gave myself a High 5 and a silent yell “WINNING”!  Our lessons are about 90 minutes long and by the time we came off the water, all of them were happy, wet, conversing with each other pleasantly and she had her sight set on a PaddleYoga class with me for the next morning.  Glass went from half empty to half full in 90 minutes…more or less.

I happened to find the way in to a very insecure young woman who, walking away from the situation, I could see clearly was lashing out from possibly frustration, loneliness, self doubt…

This isn’t a moxie musing on teenage “angst” or insolence, but rather -  how do you pull yourself out of it? How do you take those lemons and turn them into lemonade?  How do you make that glass half full instead of half empty? It does not just happen to teenage kids; as adults we are susceptible to it as well.  Sometimes it is something that requires medical attention, I am not addressing that here. I am talking about “the every so often, no good, very horrible kind of day” that smacks you between the eyes one morning, and you just don’t know why.  Mojo lost. Maybe it would be better to pull up the covers, take a nap, sit somewhere ever so quietly, eat some chocolate (wow, if it could be that easy!), squeeze in a yoga practice, take a walk, or even swing on a hammock.

Frustration at not being utilized at your full potential. Sadness at others not respecting your need to choose and your truthfulness about your capabilities. Anger at being trashed or swept under the carpet due to your age when you are trying to help or have offered your opinion. Lack of choice or options can make you frustrated, you may be quite different from your friends.  

These sound oddly similar to the same things that make up teenage angst…..I like to think of it as emotional mayhem!

I have a few thoughts on how we can strive to bounce into the glass that is half full and out of the one that is half empty and one of thought is emotional bravery.

Maybe you or someone you know is having a very horrible, no good, kind of day.

But just because we can find lots of reasons for feeling down, becoming a bona fide pessimist doesn’t mean that we should. The fact is, optimism creates opportunity and pessimism kills it. Expecting good things to happen will lead to taking actions that produce positive results. Expecting only more bad stuff to come your way will keep you from doing the very things that might have minimized or avoided just that!

While some people are naturally more optimistic than others, ultimately we all get to wake up every day and choose whether we are going to be a glass half-full, or a glass half-empty person.

Here are some thoughts on combating that “emotional mayhem” that just might threaten to cloud up your day.

Setting an Intention:

Just like we do at the beginning of a yoga practice.  Before you roll out of bed (and if you forget, before you leave your house) take one minute to set your intention for the day by coming up with one word that resonates with you about the attitude or spirit you want to bring to the day.  Obviously, the intention you choose will vary according to the challenges you are facing.

Perform an act of courage - however small that might be:

Often the very thing we need to improve our circumstances requires courage. That is, closing the gap between where you are now and where you would like to be in life will require stepping outside your comfort zone and doing something that scares you in some way. It could be picking up the phone to invite someone to dinner, attempting a handstand on a paddleboard (okay, it does not have to be that radical), signing up for a yoga class, or having a conversation with your someone about an issue that’s been upsetting you. You have just done  something that stretches you, and it teaches you that you are capable of more than you thought you were.

Reframe a problem:

You can’t solve your problems by complaining about them. But you can solve them (or, if they are unsolvable, learn to accept them) by reframing them so that you can approach them from a new angle. There are many ways to get there along the journey….

Where pessimists see problems, optimists find opportunities. If you change the way you look at your problems, your problems change and transform into a rich array of opportunities to grow, learn and discover inner resources you never knew you had!

Avoid the “Debbie Downers”  aka EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES!

Optimism is contagious. So too is pessimism. If you are struggling to feel as positive as you would like, don’t spend your time hanging out with “emotional vampires” – those people who suck the life out of you with their complaints and commentary about everything that is wrong with the world (and the people in it). Choose your company wisely and limit the time you spend with people who don’t fill your cup of optimism and “can do” self-confidence.  Again, good energy is contagious & infectious - so is negative energy, so try to avoid it at all costs!

Laugh Out Loud!  Lighten Up!

Why is it that comedians tend to live very long lives? It’s because they have become so masterful at finding the humor in even the most unfunny situations. While it’s not always easy to see the lighter side of things, it’s always helpful. Humor is a highly effective antidote to almost every ailment, anxiety or adversity.  It’s not a bad thing to laugh at yourself and let that laughter ring out loud.

For those of you that are battling something greater than the occasional “the horrible, no good, very bad kind of day” I urge you to be courageous and reach out to a professional who can point you in the right direction and help you be brave, fight, and address what might be troubling you.  There are times when no amount of self-help will get that glass back up to half full and it is a very real struggle.

For those of you that just have those days, when you struggle and you can’t find your bounce, keep bouncing.  That optimism, that energy, is what sings out of you and touches others. Fill up that glass so others may “drink” from it.

On an endnote….

That lovely young lady returned the very next day to take my morning Paddle Yoga class and brought someone with her to try it too.  That “sass” evolved into moxie, and her glass was overflowing with grace, beauty, and peace. Something amazing happened, like a light turning on in a dark room, her eyes had lightened, the furrows between her brows were smoothed and she was all smiles. Smiles really do have power, they can reach places the sun can’t and warm the very soul. That practice was the last one I taught for the summer. That smile, that memory, is one that I am sure I will look back on when I have trouble finding my bounce.   

Peace in our thoughts;

Peace in our words;

Peace in our hearts.

The light in me, honors the light in you.

Namaste,

Kimberly

As always you can reach out to me at Kimberly@DivineMoxie.com